Once a Fucker, always a fucker.

Are you the fucker i am talking about? If you think you fucking are, then you are. Fuck all these troubles and problems in my life.

I know life IS A BED OF ROSES. & do you know why it is a bed of roses? because on the surface it looks so goddammit perfect but there are hidden thorns in it. The thorns are all these fucking problems.

Yes i am whining/ complaining. Don’t wanna read it? Then don’t.

But seriously, what’s the use of blogging? don’t tell me it’s to pen down your own thoughts and experience for your own purpose. Fuck that. If you don’t want others to know about the problems, then don’t fucking post it. If you don’t want others to dig up your painful memories, then don’t post it. If you don’t want others to ask you about the problems, THEN DON’T FUCKING POST IT.

Whatever. The root of the problem is me, I caused all these troubles. Yeah, so if you want to kill me, go ahead. No fucking body will stop you.

I don’t want war; I want peace

I don’t want him; I want you.

I don’t want hate; I want love.

I don’t want flaws; I want perfection.

You want it, but you can’t have it.            You can’t have it, that’s why you want it.

I am dreaming.

I had a really bizarre dream earlier on this morning.I dream that i was pregnant. and yes, i was only 17 years-old in my dream.Its kinda like I had a fling with a guy, and after a few weeks, i found out i was pregnant. I told that guy about it, but he didn’t really do anything- not like i was expecting him to. Then later, I confessed to my mom that i was pregnant and prepared myself for a good lashing. However, my mom just told me to take good care of myself and blah- in other words, taking good care for the fetus.

At first, I was quite excited on having a child (yes , i am crazy) but eventually, i start to feel the stress and burden weighing down on me. I am only 17 and i am pregnant! No more going out, skipping my school for a year, no hanging out till late nights. But before I know it, I’ve became attached to my baby, I was also looking out for him; afraid that one day I’ll have  a miscarriage. Whenever I told my mom that I was afraid that my fetus has become a stillborn, I will miraculously feel the fetus’s heartbeat as though he was reassuring me that he was fine.

Yeah, and before i knew it, i was awake.

I miss the heartbeat of my baby. I know it’s a dream, but it seems so real.

i feel so empty now.

“A new beginning”

My 7 week break has officially ended! So back to NP for another torturous, inspiring, challenging and meaningful semester! I swear I’ll be working doubly hard for this semester because I really need to improve my freakin GPA. Yes, in case you fail to know, my GPA is HORRENDOUS, ATROCIOUS, ABHORRENT, APPALLING, DISASTROUS. et cetera (you get the idea)

Anyway, I came across the books written by our very own local author, Loy Kay Hwa and I must say that her books are very thought-provoking, and of course heart-rending. Have this urge to buy her books, but they cost a bomb. Like BOOM a hundred plus dollars gone. (mind you, stop linking words such as BOOMS to Ris low. =.=) I am still contemplating about buying her books.. RAWR but it means I will need to earn the money back. Why am I bound by MONEY??!! This sucks. Ok, maybe I should think of buying her books as a form of investment. An investment to my knowledge yeah? Make sense right… Great, now I am making up reasons to persuade myself to buy her books. I just wanna read them, I wanna know the ending. Well maybe i should ask others about it before making my decision.

I guess I will be buying them in the end, but it’s probably a matter of when will i buy them and HOW will i buy them. Sucks, Big TIME. My hard earn money is gonna be spend on Storybooks. Well, at least it’s a change from buying clothes and whatnot.

Enter the journey of “The vomit curse”

that’s right folks, follow me through my journey of witnessing puke/vomit at almost everywhere. ( I seriously think I’ve been hex with the vomit curse!!!)

Firstly, I saw a pile of vomit on the floor at the Mrt when i was boarding the train at Dohby Ghaut. Well, I reacted fast enough so right before I was about to enter the train, I turn my back and dashed to the next door instead. Like hell I would walk from the door and catch any pungent “fragrance” of that vomit. =.=

Today.. OMG today is a cursed day for me. I saw 3 pile of vomit! All at different areas. One was in bus number 72, and I only discovered the puke after 10-15 minutes of searching. When I board the bus, there was a stale smell of vomit lingering in the bus and yeah, my nose just so happens to be able to smell that. So while i was standing, I began my search for the vomit and i found it. It was just beside the exit door and i was standing opposite of the door, NICE ONE! The second puke of the day was at a dustbin which was located at chinatown. Apparently someone was trying to puke into the dustbin and failed, terribly. Third for the day was at my home…… My dog puked on the carpet, most probably cos of indigestion. My dog is a greedy pig anyway. I will believe that it is a pig when it comes to eating.

Is this all a premonition or a sign… that i will witness someone puking at carlton on saturday?If wu xiang and I work at table 1,2,3 I really think that history will repeat itself once again.

A stupid mistake made by stupid me

I’ve been very blur and stupid for today – I’ve actually mistaken the shampoo for conditioner and i kept applying the shampoo on my hair thinking that it was the conditioner. 5 mins later, i felt that my hair is getting drier and drier so i applied more “conditioner” on my hair and i thought it was the hair product i used yesterday which damaged my hair.

SERIOUSLY MAN, i only found out the “conditioner”  was a shampoo after 10 mins… I tortured my own hair, trying to untangle the knots in my hair for 10 mins WITH SHAMPOO! ok, it’s time stupid. I learnt my lesson that I SHOULD BE MORE OBSERVANT AND LOOK AT WHAT I AM USING BEFORE I USE IT.

This blog is practically just for me to blog before blogger is fixed so i won’t link anyone. =D

Cheers to those who managed to have a peek at this blog !

I’ve changed to blogging here!

wazzup dudes and dudettes! I will be blogging here from now on =D

I was diagnosed with a severe mental disease about a year ago. My boyfriend has put up with all of my paranoia, anger and odd things that I do. When i told him he should leave me because it wasn’t fair to him, he said, “If i can’t take you at your worst then i don’t deserve you at your best.” His unconditional love GMH.

http://www.givesmehope.com has become a really inspirational website for me. There are so many posts on random act of kindness, love, hope, etc. It’s a really good website when you are feeling down, when you need some motivation.

Today I found this site. I tend to be suspicious of the Internet – then I realized that even if one of the stories on here isn’t true, that just means someone took time out of their day to lie so someone else would feel better about the world. There is no way any story on here can fail to GMH.

This is post is so true!! Even if the stories in there ain’t real, someone took their time to lie to inspire others. All of the posts really gives me hope.  It gives me the drive to want to do something for the society, to put others before yourself and CARE for others.

If everyone is willing to take that one step, the whole world will change.

I will AM going to take that one step.